the older you get, more you feel the world changing around you. and more you miss the way it was before...

its not easy coming out with the right words.

somehow all the meanings seem mangled once they are out there.

yes , i know *that* song with *that* guy has it in a different language, but it echoes what i feel in here.

being with someone is a lot of hard work.

being netless sucks for job searches.

Gloomy day.

i am a cantankerous coot.

***

I am also panicky , when at the time tons of people are fleeing my little dilbert-ship, im still stuck, frozen in the headlights.

I dont want to get run over!

reflections

the fact that most men are sleazy and perverted does not make ALL of us slugs.

one of my leads at work, i shall call him K, is married , yet he keeps going around with 1, who is also married. K and 1 spend all their time together, to the extent that they do as little work as possible. 1s husband is out of the city most of the time, and i dont even have to elaborate the kind of talk THAT generates, given this situation.

Its my philosophy, that you can have friends of the opposite gender after marriage, just that the ONLY best friend after marriage is your Better Half, your significant other.

Its rather creepy that guys think that they can flirt with girls at work, after marriage. it reeks of eating your cake and having it too. "Ghar ki murgi" and all that jazz.

Inspite of the above , i believe that a man has a need of his alone time, just as he has need of together time. Be it with cricket, photography, PS3, whatever.

Just that it should be in moderation.

Never having been "one of the boys" , i dont have a huge gang of guys to go booze with. which is probably the best for both me and N.

I feel sick at the people who keep complaining about their wives. I mean, hey, you married her, show her some respect? she did give up her entire life, family, and/or career to come take care of your sorry ass.

but the sense of "weekdays with Office Boss, weekends with Home Boss" does bob up in my mind too.
But its all the work that needs to be done for the FAMILY , why complain ? its not something that I'm doing for someone else!

Still I do feel tired and washed out because I practically get NO rest.

Anyhow, this is my Reflection of the Moment.

See you later!

if you keep quiet at work, no one notices if you do a good job!

for that matter, this is true most times in your life.

its important to consider the place, the person and the moment in time, together, before deciding on a course of action.

so work kicked me out over half the world around.

it sucks to be not able to drive.

the sky is really blue there.

no crows but the sparrows and the rockdoves seem like old friends.

why is it necessary to go to a strip club and get lap dances to prove I'm male? I dont see it. I like pretty girls, but they dont have to demean themselves in that manner (If you're reading this , your link to "Why Men visit Prostitutes" sort of is a complementary article to this).

I realise how much I miss her when I'm away.

so much to say, so little time.

if this is the last thing I write, goodbye.
if not, see you in a few months.

untitled.

I have been all out of ideas lately.

Maybe its just the lack of time.
Maybe its the mind sapping PHBs i've been putting up with. The one that says, "If it wasnt so difficult, why do you have to do it?". Or the one that sends me away saying "heh heh heh,enjoy being married?". Damn S&M toads.

I have a good family. I have a good g/f. Why does the rest of life have to be so shitty?
Its still a better life than a lot of us have.

Wish you the best in life, my readers.

Second landfall - 6 months

It does not get any easier.
After a lifetime of theorizing , i guess that arguments are inevitable.

the sooner a guy accepts that he WILL goof up , and that it always ISNT his fault. and that he shouldnt blame the girl, rather , try to work around the circumstance that caused the girl to be all weepy and hurt.

some of the inevitable facts of together-life. (atleast for the girl i'm with for the next 90 odd years)

- she will NEVER forget.
- guy should NEVER forget the anniversaries - where we first met, what we first ate, what she wore first, birthdays etc.
- dont yell at her, EVER.
- when you feel like yelling, just shut up and pinch your lips shut.
- dont tell ANYONE (blog included) about all the personal things in life - that includes *almost* everything (99.99999999999999999999% of things are personal)

- Be a responsible guy, she wont take a lazy bum.
- if she has to keep reminding you for everything, you arent responsible.
- dont sit back and let her do ALL the housework.
- call up her parents ever-so-often, they're your parents too, now.

its a work in progress, this list. I'm learning all the above, and its wrong to believe that "women force men into their line of thinking" ...

I would call it "being aligned together, mentally".

First Landfall, 3 months

Well, the answer is No.

Made her cry about as many times.

I really should give this relationship thing more work , and stop acting like a 3 year old kid.

Money where my mouth is

After all this time, i have time to blog.
Its not because of any lack of thought. Its because i finally got a girl.
Now i have to *PROVE* that Im a different sort of guy and not the run-of-the-mill jerk.

hmm.

Another year, another day

Its 2009.

Woohoo. Life goes on as usual. Nothing much has changed really.

Sometimes there are so many decisions to make it gives me a headache.

There's already cracks showing, in the new paint. The more we think things changed, they're really the same.

I want friends, but I am scared to be one, because they laugh and walk away saying "did you REALLY think we'd like a Freak like YOU?"

But that's me.

Whoever you are , wherever you are, I hope you have a good year. One that makes you happy to be yourself.

another

women think that men are louts.

the truth is, there are atleast SOME men who have turned loutish.
driven by women who treat them like animals even when they are not.
and heap the blame of some other idiot , some crass zombie onto us.

finally tired of being a sensitive man , an outcast among the butt-pinching, breast ogling men, and an outcast from women who treat them as some kind of wet-wipe, to be tossed away amidst the garbage once the next idiot comes along.

back

long time no rant.

the other day, we had another of the brainmashing sessions at work. one and a half hours of monotonous droning on about how great The Co. did. yeah right, but that still meant you shit all over our appraisals. and the head got a new cabin.

all the best people are almost gone. the moment i get another place so will i, i've decided.

anyway, the post was about a trainee who joined 20 months ago. He was asked to speak about his project and said

1. we had tight timelines.
2. we had no knowledge of the technology used.
3. the client kept changing his/her mind about what he/she wanted.

we all laughed heartily at that. because buddy, thats like ALL the projects i've ever executed. misplanned. overpromised. underdelivered. and leaving a bad taste in my mouth that working 6 days a week for 11 hours each for 5 months, the product shows the brainmashed nature of the people executing it.

NOT because we did a bad job, but because we were pushed to fight heavily armed warmachines with matchsticks.

This blog is sort of my dark-side.

An attempt to escape this whole concept that I'm a nice guy who deserves to be used, and then discarded like recycled face wipes.

sort of like an extended rant-platform.

on the latest, i managed to ditch one of the 'nice girls , bad guys' type of my acquaintances by acting like a total jerk.

true to form, she lost her temper, told me to never call or message again. which is just fine by me.
with due credit to my 'nice' side... i did try to call her, but i guess its just as well she didnt answer the phone. i WOULD have let her know what i felt about being used for the last five odd years.

Putting things out clearly

inspired by Arnold who left a comment on this post of mine .........

I have a thing against sensible and non-airheaded women having this thing about having their eyes open and walking into relationships which are so obviously not working.

i guess i should stress that it isnt the girls i'm trying to make out as bitches, its the sheer frustration that such total bastards would end up using these girls, and that these intelligent, self-aware girls would LET themselves be used.

yes, i realise that it makes me sound angry, and i dont intend this post to somehow justify that emotion.

I used to believe that one is supposed not to let one's friends walk into the path of a onrushing train.

but i've realised (since the last post , hence the lack of posts therein) that part of being friends is letting them be run over .... its all about Freedom of Choice ....

confusion

what is with girls liking mean guys? i mean they KNOW they are going to be used and hung out to dry and the girls still prefer them over the nicer people.

two of the girls i know like mean guys.

must be some repressed sado-maschoistic impulse that makes them.

equality?

(this is by no means a generalisation, there are very professional women, and they dont fall into the stereotype described herein)

(Friday evening)
Scene : deadline nearing
Head(H) : "Everyone must work over the weekend! We have a crunch situation, we need to prove ourselves to the customer"

Female Coworker 1(FC1) : my husband wants to take me to for the weekend for a wedding in his family.
H: ohh hahahaha so lucky . Go by all means!

Female Coworker 2(FC2) : My mum in law is in town over the next three weeks. i cant come over the weekend.
H: *nodding to self* ohh yes, i too want my wife to be treatings my Maather with respuckt. please give your MIL my regards.

Me: I have some important bank work thats overdue.
H: ohhh nonono ... you have to come, you have to set an example for the younger entrants in the team ! look at me, i bought and im working from home too! (yeah like Excel takes a lot of brainpower?) defer your work, ill give you any day off next week, except we have a deadline next week, so i cant give you any day off till (4 months from now)

--- Equality ? what equality ?

where are all the sensible professional women coworkers ?